asmodaio

asmodaio @ 2009-10-16T01:36:00

2009-10-16T08:38:47Z

Things I've learned from people I've loved.

- Persistence will be rewarded, but not always in a manner which we expect
- When you lie to yourself no one else is fooled
- The drama you feel exists only in your own skull
- Anyone can feel pity, there is no correlation between sympathy and love
- If you take a person for granted nothing stops them from doing the same
- Insisting someone else is at fault for a the failure of a relationships does not mean you did nothing wrong, but rather that you did nothing at all
- Shut up, sit down
- I will always be the last to know what I'm thinking
- Difference of opinion is no reason you can't be friends, getting in a fight with a friend proves you're not willing to be something else for them, this level of honesty ensures that you know the person and that petty things can be overlooked
- Honesty is hard, remember that when you ask it of others
- Laughter is what a lot of friendships are founded on, there is a myriad of reasons that they last

It's only a matter of time

2009-05-30T22:06:04Z

until webcomics get turned into movies. Think about it. It will happen. The question is when? and will I still give a damn when it happens?

On simple gratification

2009-05-17T10:26:13Z

When you go to college or if you're already in college or if you're getting your own place, get a plant
Preferably one that blumes
It's easy to maintain and taking care of something is gratifying
Even if it's a plant.

When my roommate and my friend from high school decided to get fish, I started missing my dog and began wanting a pet. I know how responsible I am, so I lowered the bar a little.
I got an aloe. They are rather difficult to kill and very practical. I went to every flower or plant store in downtown until I found one mangled little aloe and brought him home. I named him Niccolo after Machiavelli because he's kind prickly and mean at first glance but undeniably pragmatic. My friend from high school burned her finger and boy was I prepared with my aloe plant and pocket knife.
I was so please I told another friend who has known me too long that I had already gotten to use my aloe after owning it for only a few days. She asked if I burned myself on purpose just for an excuse. There was a long pause before I admitted that I had considered it but no.
After a while I decided to get another plant. At the end of thanksgiving break, my family went to get a christmas tree at a nursery near my house with a sandbox I'd spent a lot of my youth playing in. I went wandering off to the house plant section and decided I needed a jasmine plant, which apparently you can flavor your tea with. I left it at home with my dad until winter break ended when I brought it back to college with me. My roommate rolled her eyes when I gleefully placed another plant in the window.
I named the jasmine plant Ms. Marple, because a jasmine plant must be a girl and Ms. Marple is the only tea related female character I like.
I was overjoyed when I got the first few blossoms to put in my tea. The effect was marginal, but there are few things as pleasing as seeing jasmine blossoms floating in your tea.
Unfortunately for Ms. Marple, my roommate smoked pot out the window several times a day and left it open when she left to air out the room. In the middle of the winter with the window open more often than closed, this caused Ms. Marple to lose her dark color and give up blossoming all together. Eventually I moved Ms. Marple to a friend's room in hopes of her surviving at least until the end of the year when I could take her somewhere safe.
Less than a week later my roommate spontaneously decided to move in with her friend. Ms. Marple now has more blossoms and buds than ever before. Niccolo is looking better as well.
So if you are the type of person who likes taking care of other living things, but can't afford a pet, go get a plant. If you are the type of person who can allow themselves to be easily amused by minor achievements, get a plant. Something pragmatic or edible. I hear citrus plants are wonderful indoor plants, albiet a bit larger. I plan to get one someday when I have the space.

on intelligence

2009-05-03T11:41:19Z

A lot of people believe intelligence makes humans better than the rest of the animal kingdom. I find it hard to judge the merit of a species in anyway other than how long the species can keep it self going. By that standard we are pathetically young in comparison to so many species which are not even sentient (or barely so). We can only look on into the murky future with vague speculations on how long we'll be around, but I'd still like to hand it to the jellyfish for not creating the means to destroy all life.
Having said that, intelligence is all we've got going for us, so at least try to be smarter.

props to a great influence on my life

2009-01-26T14:43:22Z

Being in college and doing that whole redefining yada yada, I find myself thinking back to the conversations I had with my dad. He explained a lot of things to me when I was younger and I'd be lying if I said I didn't respect him for what he taught me. From the stock market to the war of the roses, my dad taught me a lot of disconnected and random things interlaced with witicism. I was reminded of these great conversations when I used a quote from him to prove a point. I had a conversation with him long ago about Elizabeth I and Mary Queen of Scots. There is a lot of positive history about Elizabeth and when I found out she had her cousin beheaded I asked my dad why so many people thought Elizabeth was so great (I was very young). He responded, "Elizabeth was a great queen. She might not have been a good person, but she was great." Looking back on that moment I realize it reshaped how I look at history, politics, and even my friendships. It's funny how small quotes and small distinctions can have big effects. My dad's not a genius or an expert in any field, but he was capable of laying out a lot of information and summing it up in a way I could understand even when I was young. He was a great teacher.

asmodaio @ 2009-01-09T23:32:00

2009-01-10T08:09:03Z

I'm so bored I'm actually on livejournal. Yes, I'm actually that bored.
Um... update.
I'm in college. It's easy so far. I have a few friends, but no one who compares to my pals back home. Granted everyone from back home I've known for over two years. My intro to philosophy class was awesome and I wish I could take another class with that professor. Freshman required course is boring, but I have friends in that class so I suck it up do my homework and do that whole smart person thing. I'm not faking inteligence I'm just putting in the effort to be smart in class rather than slack off. French sucks. I know it already I don't want to waste my time with it but I have to. AUGH. Same courses this term except I'm taking philosophy of literature. When getting books for other classes I saw that someone was teaching lolita and 1984 so I signed up for the class.
Being in a different city is strange. I'm liberated, but I'm a shut in. I'm alone, but I'm social. Yay, I live up to my inconsistent nature.
Of my main friends one friend is still in my home town and will stay there or a while. The others are home on the same breaks as me. One just left for japan, so he wont be home for a few months. I miss 'em a lot.
Computer problems have been rediculous. I got thousands of viruses so I sent it to my tech guy to wipe my harddrive. It blue screens, so I had everything excluding the hardrive, the screen, and the shell replaced. For some reason the sound doesn't work without headphones. Two weeks later it blue screens with a new problem every time I turn it on. I'm using a temp until I have it fixed again.
That's all.

general musings about Thomas Harris novels

2008-10-20T03:04:15Z

I just finished reading "Silence of the Lambs" and I read "Red Dragon" in August. I haven't quite decided what I think of the book as a whole. I rather liked "Red Dragon" and all I've come to decided on "Silence of the Lambs" is that I was surprised by the differences. Aren't we always surprised when a sequel doesn't match up though? I'm in no way saying that I disliked "Silence of the Lambs" (I already said I wasn't sure), just that I was surprised. What I liked about the first book was the emphasis on Will Graham's thought process and even though he didn't appear to be the sole person solving the case, his observations made it possible for others to do their part. The resistance to involve Lecter was cool. In fact, I liked the subtlety of Lecter's part. Francis Dolarhyde and the depth of his character made for an undeniably a great antagonist. So when many of these aspects did not appear in the second book, I was mostly confused. I suppose what threw me the most was the emphasis on the characters and their interactions rather than the case. There was less going on with solving the case, hell, one character knew all along who did it. Where Graham wanted to get it over with and get out and avoid Lecter, Clarice wanted to be involved, wanted credit, and wanted Lecter's help (not being stabbed by him probably helped their relationship). However, wasn't that what made Lecter's role more pronounced? He wasn't thinking about the case, he knew who did it. He didn't have a history with which to antagonize the protagonist. He was playing around with a new toy and didn't she handled it beautifully. He killed for her and held no ill will to her even though she decieved him. How strange... and let's not even pretend that touching his hand was an accident. Quite trusting, given who he is. This second book was not about the case. Jame Gumb pales in comparison to Francis Dolarhyde. "Silence of the Lambs" is about the people working the case. Even the title refers to the mental issues of a case worker rather than the perpetrator of the crimes. I liked the subtle distant creepiness of Lecter in the first book, but the brilliance of the second is how he was brought into focus. In the first book, we had no good reason to like Lecter, the entire book seemed to avoid Lecter as much as Graham did. In the second book, when we get to see enough of Lecter to dislike him, we can't. I'm not sure if I like "Silence of the Lambs", but I certainly don't dislike it.

the day after folklife

2008-05-27T03:12:27Z

oooohhhh... my digestion tracts do not approve of folklife... ugghhhh.... That aside, I love folklife. I saw a bunch of old friends, hung out with a few friends I only ever see at folklife, met some new people , met some people I apparently already knew, hung out with camp people, ate a lot of good food, found a band which I am totally fangirling over (and that's saying a lot coming from me), and lots of other fun stuff. Sunday was better than Saturday. On Saturday, I ended hanging out with some of my stoner friends for a couple of hours which was ridiculously boring, because they just want to nap all day. On Sunday, I found the awesome band, hung out with one of the people I had anticipated seeing for a week, hung out with some camp friends, and all that jazz. Bought a few things. Some sarongs for my norwegian friends and one for myself, a sarong/tapistry with a coy fish on it, and a wanking monkey necklace (no seriously, the pendant is actually a monkey jerking off). The band that I have decided is awesome is actually from the state where I will be going to college so I hope I'll see them again. I originally found them becaue the friend I spent the night with was getting indian food nearby and I suddenly heard minney the moocher and had to find whoever was playing the song (a different friend later joked about an inexplicable force dragging me by the pelvis).I went back to them several times throughout the day, bought there CD, snuck a little note in with the money I gave them that said "email me if you're ever performing in [city where I will go to college + my email]. Late in the day when some of my friends were getting face paint nearby I went to watch the band some more and the bass player waved at me. I was kind of embarassed that they would actually recognize me because I spent so much time smiling like an idiot at them. Another one of my friends took a bunch of pictures of them which I am super excited to see... God I'm such a dork.
Folklife rules!

Wow dude

2008-05-21T04:10:00Z

been a while, eh?
blar, what to write. I know where I'm going to college. I'm stressin over the last few assignments. I just took my calc final. I'm extra pleased because on one of the questions I completely forgot how to do the math, but by drawing a picture and looking at the possible answers I eliminated three and took the most logical of the last two and got the right answer. Yeah bitches.
Applied Physics is cool cuz we get to play with electrical circuts :D
Existentialism has degenerated into talk about whatever you want because we're all seniors and tired of school and the teacher is more than happy to sit around and talk about whatever. Seriously, one time we were lookin at pictures of athletes on google images. We're talkin the kind of people who look like freakin greek gods their so gorgeous and fit.
Really excited for this summer. I went in for the challenge course training and basically got to hang out with my friends. It was awesome.
Today, one of my profs interviewed me for a one minute spiel they'll do about me at graduation. It was fun. We talked about snowboarding, coffee, some of my friends, Machiavelli, Adam Smith, Voltaire, my eighth grade homeroom teacher, the play I wrote, the arabic class I was marked absent for even though I wasn't enrolled in it, working at camp, going to yakima to pick tomatillas and tomatoes, peaches, mexican food, huckleberry picking, my city slicker-ness, the time me and a friend snowboarded down a double black diamond slope hugging just to see if we could, Hawaii, my favorite math teacher, my poli sci teacher, some of my paintings, acrylics vs water colors, my elementary school, my middle school, the high school I went to in ninth grade, my experience in cross country, future courses I'd like to take. Around the time we started talking about World War II, he realized he was supposed to start with the next kid fifteen minutes ago.
Got new headphones for my birthday (yesterday), a deck of cards, socks, starbucks and vivace gift cards
I'm feelin good.

back from Alaska

2008-04-07T06:51:20Z

it was a lovely trip
I will elaborate more later but what I thought was strange was how I immediately came down from my ecstatic state when I got in the car. Yeah my mom has been naggin me since I got home and got a college rejection letter but still, you'd think it would take a while.
Being home sucks.
Send me back to Alaska.
I'll give a more detailed (hopefully not play by play) description of the trip later

Writer's Block: Meaningful Words

2008-03-18T06:35:10Z

What is your favorite quote? And why?

View 500 Answers

I'd be a liar if I said I could pick just one but here's a few good ones.
"Most people believe they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices" -William James
"Now you're thinking banks aren't people, but in fact they're better than people. They're corporations" -my dad
"Weaseling out of things is what seperates us from the other animals... except the weasels" -Homer Simpson
"When choosing between two evils, I usually pick the one I've never tried before" -I forget
"A friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a body" -mom told it to me
(I know we've all heard this one before) A friend will call you in jail, a good friend will visit, a really good friend will be sitting next to you saying "Dude that was freakin awesome!"" -no idea where I heard it
"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. Then, who cares, he's a mile away and you have his shoes" -heard it from a friend
"There's too much blood in my caffiene system" - found it on a friend's myspace
"Serve the good wine first so your guests are already drunk when you serve the bad wine" -John 2:10 I believe

I think it's pretty clear that I like humor, irony, and sarcasm. I especially like the William James quote, cuz it's absolutely right.

yeah

2008-03-13T01:55:46Z

jesus I'm whiney. Honestly I'm not usually this you know, annoyingly pathetic.
By the way, my life kind of rocks right now. Beginning of a new trimester makes my life rule.
Class schedule is the same except my english course is called Renegotiating the Social Contract (its the same crazy strict teacher I've had all year, but for some reason the english class is difference. Feel free to roll your eyes), and my history class is Existentialism... which sounds like a lot of rambling so far but I shouldn't diss it too hard considering it might turn out that I was an existentialist all along and just didn't know what it was called until now.
So the job I'm apply for this summer is basically in the bag. Fucking score. Friend tipped me off. Now I just have to turn in my application. And we talked about boys... which was hilarious, cuz I'm friends with her ex and I am going to tease him mercilessly.
Um... a friend of mine is potentially engaging in illegal activities which was completely jumpstarted by me. There's no way to trace it back to me unless everyone involved decides to rat me out, but considering they're my friends I think I'm safe. Still we gotta keep this on the down low for a while til it all blows over. It's not super illegal, just kinda forgot a few minor laws for a few minutes. Totally harmless I swear.
I'm trying to get a hold of a chess set so I'll have a interesting still life for a while. I'm tired of just doing watercolors on campus and old photos. I'm also thinkin one of these days I'll do acrylics for real rather than treating 'em like water colors. Maybe I'll even try doin' some tie-dye. Not the lame kind.
Life is awesome. I have a double block of existentialism tomorrow. Triple score.

stupid fuckin reclusive tendancies

2008-03-05T04:03:58Z

bored alone and dreading my three day weekend

angst is just a riot

2008-02-24T01:25:47Z

alright, so assuming I'm sane for the moment, I'd like to say that my new insight on the past six months is
*drum roll*
who the fuck am I supposed to listen to? who the fuck am I suppsoed to go to for advice, help, rant sessions, whatever?
Okay, I lost the most important person in my life. Yeah it was hard. It shouldn't have lasted this long, but it did for the following reasons:
1. I have never opened up to or trusted someone so much so I wasn't in anyway prepared or ready for abandonment.
Ladi-freakin-da, I'm sure I'm the only person this has happened to
2. A lot of other stupid shit was happened. Some and most of which I had no control over, but it still wreeks havoc on my life.
- I had been shafted all summer and finally just got tired of it but couldn't do a damn thing about it
- my boss quit
- I have harder classes (25 page research paper, calculus, and physics being the worst of it)
- college applications are a BITCH
- a friend of mine was diagnosed with MPD and schizophrenia and came to me for support
- another friend started cutting and has since been diagnosed with depression. He's still unstable.
- a friend of mine had been struggling with ADD (she's been diagnosed and is fine now)
- a boy I hurt in the past reached out to me after dropping out
- a few other friends have had devastating relationship issues
- my creative writing teacher was pressuring me to write about stuff that makes me cry
- I was worried about the summer camp I work at because it was shifting management
- two people from my former school got shot within a month
- my dog fucking died
These are some of the more significant issues, but rest assured that there has been a great deal more smaller issues along the way which have added to my stress levels and made me that much more unstanble.
3. I didn't know who else I could turn to. When I tried to talk to other people I was in some cases judged and betrayed, increasing stress levels in people with enough problems of their own, too distant from my life to understand what I was telling them (I'm not good at conveying stuff), or they just didn't care. It has gotten so bad that I write these journals and in the wee hours of yesterday morning when I couldn't sleep, I disclosed a lot of stuff I don't think I've ever said to anyone before (it was late, I was slowly loosing conciousness) to someone I'd been introduced to a few hours before... over the phone... yeah.
Through all this I've had various people giving me advice (also remember I don't like advice for various reasons) or giving their opinions (I'm more forgiving of this), but in the end they are to distant or bias to be of any real help and the one person who seemed to get the situation is the cutter and is too stressed to help me.
So anyway, I don't know who to listen to or what to do. I guess I'll just go about in emotional isolation so as not to get anymore people involved in this mess which is not really any of their business and just try to find time to hang out.
I can not wait for the day when this will not be an issue.

ugh

2008-01-20T20:32:22Z

I s'pose the only way for this to have a happy ending is to give up.

just a little doomed

2008-01-10T05:51:40Z

school is fucked
social stuff is... yeeeeaaah. Let's just say it's good.

Amazing Discovery!

2008-01-03T03:19:59Z

Ever played minesweeper?
You know how the numbers are all different colors
Ever wondered what color the eight is?
It's gray! Light gray!
I've wanted to know for years.
I'm so excited.
You have no idea how cool this is for me.

buggering hell

2008-01-02T04:57:09Z

I hate what I became because of all thi shit with my friend. I'm not a whiney person. I'm not an emotional person at all. I shouldn't be upset. I shouldn't care.
I wish this whole journal didn't make me seem so whiney, cuz prior to this stupid stupid problem, I don't think I cried since I was wee. Can't wait until I stop caring

just an update

2007-12-19T06:06:23Z

my friend just emailed me today to tell me she's schizophrenic (I hope I spelled that right) and needs someone to talk to. I hope to talk to her tomorrow.

Cal-kun and Cal-chan

2007-11-30T06:06:32Z

today my mom offhandedly suggested selling my calculator on ebay (I have two cuz I lost one and then recovered it after buying another) and here's how the rest of the conversation went:
Me: Cal-kun?!
Mom: no, the new one
Me: Cal-chan?!
Mom: (you-are-insane face)

it was funny

calm in a panic

2007-11-29T03:36:29Z

AUUUUUGHHHHH! If I could just sit around and make disgusting noises with someone i think I could relieve a lot of stress. So I'm oooookay. Except for the homework, the massive amount of reading, the college apps, the college essay, needing to speak with someone to confirm my spot on the ski bus, job app for summer camp, patching somethings up with my bestfriend (he's not really my bestfriend anymore, but for lack of a better term and any conclusive evidence to suggest we wont be friends by the end of the month, I will continue to call him as such), taking my girlfriend out shopping cuz she turned in her paper and I promised her we would go shopping when she turned it in (I also promised her I would try on skinny jeans oh noez!), and I think that's all.
The new trimester has started so here's a list of my classes in order
Calc (same as before)
Physics (same as before)
Study (same as before)
American Gov and Civics (new class, totally excited for it. Cool teacher, and a subject I know so very little about)
Studio Arts (same as before)
Literature of Genocide (I was skeptical about it before because the teacher nearly slaughtered me last trimester, but after a couple of days, I'm actually really excited about it. We're reading John Steinbeck's "The Moon is Down" and I'm really getting into it now).
French 4 (same as before) (we're getting back into the past tense which I love cuz it makes so much sense)
Also, here's a funny little anamoly. I got a B in all my honors classes and Cs in all the non-honors classes. Bizarre, right?
In other news, I have a really awkward patch of hair just below my belly button. It's not pubes, I swear. It's really dark. Some of the hairs are actually black, about three or four right in a line below the belly button. However, the others are kinda dark brownish gray. It's just awkward, cuz if my shirt rides up for any reason then BAM! hair! but it's not pubes, it actually stops and there's two inches of hairless skin between the awkward hair and my pants.
In other news, working at a summer camp is a great way to get in shape and lose weight, but then winter comes around like it always does and all of a sudden I don't have enough fat to stay warm. I fuckin freezing! This has never happened before. Goddamnit, I want my fat back! Unfortunatly, then there's the minor problem that I don't like to eat large quantities of food and I get sick of sweet food really easily.
My life is fascinating.

for the first time since, I don't remember when I feel just like my old bony self again

2007-11-18T03:05:21Z

how I love Jack Skellinton.
but more importantly, my life feels okay. Next week is finals and I love finals week. Why pray tell? because my life becomes so easy during finals. No more homework.
Most worried about calc and french final. physics should be alright. I'm not expecting an a but I seem to get in the b range usually. No other finals than that.
all is well. :)

Cal-kun

2007-10-28T00:57:34Z

So, I lost my calculator (nicknamed Cal-kun) a while back and after about two weeks and one calculus test later I finally got a new one. Well, guess what. I found Cal-kun. He was on the window sill by my desk and the curtains were closed so I never saw it. I checked the window sill by my chair because that's where I usually study. I guess I set it there that one day I decided to work at my desk. So today I'm at my desk because my sis was in the chair and I looked out the window and there was Cal-kun, on the window sill. Goddamn. Told my parents that a friend of mine found it at school in my calculus classroom. So now I have to calculators. What am I going to do? I'm going to go back to using Cal-kun and I'll put Calc-chan in a drawer. :)

gag reflex

2007-10-02T23:14:46Z

I discovered this morning that there is something wrong with my gag reflex. When I stick my finger down my throat I gag, but that's about it. I also discovered that the human throat is quite a peculiar, so if I don't have to worry about puking I might explore it a bit more.

What Do You Have To Say? - Extreme Sports: My Style

2007-09-30T16:30:13Z

Ever created your own version of a sport? Tell us how you play it.

Brought to you by HP | Vote for Contest Winners!

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When I was a camp counselor, we had a nice little training course about creating new games, because sometimes campers get bored of the old games. My group created a variation on volleyball with three balls, a parachute, and a break in the middle to lie down and introduce ourselves (we were encouraged to make "get to know you" games). I don't think anyone ever tried to play the game with campers.